jesus is for losers

Needs to be said, I think.

vic

We spent a few days in the internetless wilds of New Hampshire, where the only news is cable delivered. I heard about Vic Chesnutt's death from a good friend, the best way to hear about any death, I suppose. He outlined only the bare bone details, which seem to be all the details there are. All very sad.

I saw Vic perform 3 times. The first was in a teeny bar in Brooklyn (I went with the wife of the same friend who called with the news). Vic was by himself and king of all he surveyed. Heart and spleen going strong, open and venting. The second time was in the same bar, accompanied by a delightful band that had been cobbled together from local worthies (and his wife, Tina, on bass). Wonderful again. And the last time I saw him was just this past summer (I went with the friend who called with the news). Vic was alone again, the support act, convinced that no-one knew him. My friend encouraged me to request 'Kick My Ass' - I am deeply sorry that I did not.

I have been thinking a lot about him and everything he gave. What most stands out is his honesty and truthfulness and humour. I love his sly smile, which makes him look like a child or a poet. There are three songs in particular that have been on my mind the past few days. There is the amazing clarity of Speedracer, from his first album: 'I'm not a victim/I am intelligent/I am an atheist'. I can remember the first time I heard those words (rare for me). We named our second cat after the song 'Zippy Morocco'. LP cries every time she hears its exotic melody. And from the same 'Silver Lake' album, there is Vic's wonderful statement about being here, 'I say, yes', with the call and response chorus - 'Do you think it makes a difference? I say, Yes.'

He definitely made a difference. So sad that he is gone.

christmas comic

Happy Christmas everyone!

Click on the drawing for the finer details (like the text!).

animatedly animating

I look as though I am trapped in a Hitchcockian nightmare of my own making, which is not really what I was going for. (Am I being chased?)

Right after I drew this I saw a music promo from Joann Sfar's Serge Gainsbourg biopic: Mr. Sfar is in the background of a lot of the shots animatedly animating. I watched with a lot of envy for the flowing freedom that he draws with and wondered how I can liven up my own drawings and get them off the page a wee bit. For me (and this ties back to the surprise and the delight that my drawing tries to anticipate) this is a question of practicing resurrection in everything. Amen and amen and amen. Drawing has to be at least a part of that practice, alongside my questions along the lines of, how then should we live?

'you're very self-absorbed, jack'

I have been reading and loving Palestine by Joe Sacco. (I am not trying in any way to compare our drawing here - the way that I draw and think does not have any relation to Sacco's work - oh that it would.) Sacco is a necessary character within his journalism, who constantly reveals his own reactions (high and low minded) as part of the broader story. This is a great strength in his work. Looking at my own drawings here, I was embarrassed that I had moved from reflecting on activists in (at best) very difficult circumstances, to my own winter look in the space of just two panels. But I thought it would be a bit dishonest not to post this. And, continuing in the me vein, I like the way it looks and feels, in spite of any unhappiness about the overall effect.

'to look the world back to grace'

the people have the power

The pictures are available on Facebook here. Hat tip to Andrew Sullivan, who also posted this great clip:

the people have the power

My thoughts on this are a wee bit half-baked. But, in the interests of getting something out there, here goes:

After looking at Platon's Portraits of Power in the recent New Yorker I decided to try drawing all of the featured leaders. I have been itching for some sort of larger drawing exercise than the individual drawings that I usually do. I am not sure this scratches the itch but I enjoyed it, even though there are several drawings I am really unhappy with (all posted).

When I first saw the portfolio in the magazine, I had an immediate reaction. Seasonal magazine features like this (see also the 'Person of the Year' stories, which proliferate between now and Christmas) make me uncomfortable and immediately set me to thinking about the deserving billions who are never going to make the list. Drawing the group here, almost exclusively male, also seemed to be a good opportunity to humanize the politicians a wee bit and (given my somewhat idiosyncratic drawing style) put them on the same level as the rest of us, which is where they belong anyway. The captions were part of this attempt to humanize but I quickly ran out of ideas and hope that the drawings mostly speak for themselves.

There were two other things that came to mind throughout the process. David Dark (in at least one talk I heard and maybe in print) speaks about his realization, during the 2004 US presidential election, that George W. Bush and John Kerry were the two least free men in America, bound by the expectations of the American electorate (and the election process) to hold positions which would be completely unreasonable (and which they would not believe) in most other contexts. (Mr. Dark discusses the candidates statements on 'winning the war on terror' in this regard.) In a lot of ways I am sure that many of these leaders are not the free agents they might believe themselves to be. I think this is borne out to some degree in the second thing that came to mind, which was Michael Leunig's cartoon, available here.

A couple of quick thoughts came along after I finished these and was wondering what to write: How many of these politicians live up to the charge given in Psalm 72.4?; Do I agree with those who argue that in Romans 13: 1-7 Paul is being satirical?

Without further ado, the drawings:

me, me, me, me, me

Throughout this period without paid employment (now five months) I have often been disheartened by the fact that there have been no great flights of imagination or grand projects. But my drawing has definitely moved forward and I have learned to relax more. I see the world a little differently. I had hoped for more coherence in my reading, the further development of views, to build thoughts more, to pray more, to find new things to do, for things to make more sense. These have happened only very haphazardly. I am sometimes unhappy with myself w/r/t the lack of activity and other times forgiving and understanding. Being without work is hard for anyone. Me no less than any one else.

I wonder if the blog, which is nearing its first anniversary, is an accurate reflection of what has been on my mind and heart. I have deliberately shied away from sharing most day to day activities and autobiography. But I do happily hope that the personal stuff comes across in the posts anyway, even when there are no or few words (which is most of the time). I have not taken the time to go back and reflect on the whole (as I recommended for The Insatiable Moon blog in my last post) but I am glad that there is something to go back to. And that it tells a story. Maybe not the story that I would have chosen to tell but definitely my story - the threads that continue to get woven in to the whole and the ones that have been dropped. I find grace in all of this. Receive it happily.

The one consistent drawing theme that I have managed to keep up since switching notebooks at the beginning of this month is that I frequently draw myself. Only one picture made it on to the blog so far (those first notebook pages). I decided to run some of these images together - the drawing here. I don't look like all these guys but they are all me. In this, and in the Echo Chamber post, which was also a more personal drawing, I can feel some new direction. This is slight but makes me very happy indeed.

for the backstory and the ongoing drama

I have been following the wonderful Mike Riddell as he blogs the (very high) highs and (very low) lows of putting together the film of his book The Insatiable Moon. Filming has begun. Worth reading the blog from the beginning - or at least looking over the journey of the last few months. Mr. Riddell and his supporters are overcoming the seemingly insurmountable odds against them in real time.

Mr. Riddell has played with the novel form several times over the past few years. I have not been able to get a hold of The Insatiable Moon but did find Deep Stuff to be wonderfully thought provoking. Must be read slowly.

my happiness bears no relation to happiness

This poem is an movingly powerful statement, I think.
I read about Taha Muhammad Ali here.

'echoes on bare walls'

Music sounds better in here than anywhere else in the apartment.

somewhere between what you need and what you know

Charlotte Gainsbourg - Heaven Can Wait from Charlotte Gainsbourg on Vimeo.

The other day, this made me feel good, in a Gallic California sort of way.

people have the power

A few nights ago I met Patti Smith.
She was lovely. I waited 40 minutes for her on the corner of Madison and 34th St. (it was my assigned role as part of a larger event to whisk her from the street to a dressing room). Her taxi went to the wrong address. Looking for a car, I see this punk earth mother crossing the street with a guitar strapped to her back. At this point I was quite nervous because I knew there had been delays and that she was meant to be dropped off in front of me so that I could carry her stuff. 'Hello, Ms. Smith', I said, 'I'm Derek'. She said, 'Hello Derek!' and it was immediately clear that she was going to be very cool about everything and wonderful and warm and open-hearted - everything you would hope for. Our conversation was very mundane but I am on a buzzy inspired high even now (and I really am not very into meeting celebs - or at least find it all very awkward).

And at the event she shone.

There is a really great interview with the author, illustrator, fabulist, Shaun Tan here. The Guardian also has posted one of his stories, which Neil Gaiman linked to the other day. Definitely worth a read.

keep a notebook

Yohji Yamamoto looks like the happiest, wisest person in this photograph.

I really liked Wim Wenders' documentary, Notebook on Cities and Clothes, which focuses on Yamamoto's philosophy and on Wenders' own changing relationship to film with the advent of video.

The care that Yamamoto takes with his words is deeply moving.

paul & tom

Lots of thoughts about these verses, and ideas behind them, this week. I am currently a big mix of churning emotions - trying to pay attention to these and keep the bigger picture in mind too.

jameses

Green and Yorkston.
Really happy with the way this looks on the page in the notebook. Less so with the scan - but here it is. Mr. Yorkston is not so thick lipped. Maybe Mr. Green could use this in place of his passport photo.

you're never too old for a revolution

I watched Schultze gets the blues in celebration of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Set in Saxony Anhalt (for the most part), it's quite a strange film full of grace, good humour and a lot of love for the characters. Recently forced into early retirement, Schultze finds inspiration in a piece of zydeco music he stumbles across on the radio.



All a lot more low key and less pat than the trailer suggests. The post title is from the film.

first notebook pages (almost)

...in which I make my first appearance. I did not mean for the pope to look so angry.

from where i sit (sometimes)

From where I was sitting the other day, down in the doldrums of my joblessness, it was good to come across a radio show on genius entertainer, playwright, observer, Ken Campbell. (For just a few days more, the show is available here.) Since then, I have been wondering where all the KC wonder came from - as well as his insatiable curiosity and wordiness. This all leads to some happy and unhappy self-examination, prayers, musings, doldrum-sittings and conversations with myself, wondering about my place in the world. Part of me responds, Just get on with it! But then with, Get on with what? Then a sigh. But, for today at least, a cheery sigh with a twinkle in me eye.

This is the last drawing posted from my second notebook.

abdolkarim soroush

merton and prayer

Those are my words on prayer, not Merton's, though he has a lot to say about this.

daftness

I think the world needs a lot more daftness but I have associated this quality with Robert Burns before now. As a family, we celebrated his birthday every year when I was growing up.

The best 'Immortal Memory' I heard made a stirring argument for Burns as a proto-feminist.

unidentified defendant

I have to confess that I have not been thinking about the Iranian people and what is happening in Iran so much recently. This changed some when I saw Persepolis last week and again when I read this article in the New York Review of Books, which is really my main news source. The piece is very very good. This is the news.



Again, the question, 3 or 1?, seems appropriate. In the original photo the unidentified defendant looks strikingly slef-assured.

retains a dignity

yorkston festival

I received several James Yorkston albums in the post and they are all I have listened to for the past 2 weeks. Something about his music and his approach to his art that makes me very very happy. In the midst of my not finding a job its good to have the music to go to. Art communicates grace.

More videos here.

gaps between posts

Persepolis | Trailer from Smelly Cat on Vimeo.

We watched Persepolis the other night. Amazing film - incredibly involving and moving. The DVD documentary on adapting Marjane Satrapi's books for the screen (the process took 3 years) was equally involving and I am in awe of Ms. Satrapi's mettle.


Not quite her, but the best of three attempts.

A strange slow start to this week. Some inspiration at the end of last week, thanks to friends, but it has been hard to turn that into focused research, general good humour, or job hits.

words of winter

Bei Ling, who says, "I am one for whom personal freedom is a precondition for survival".

and

Words of Winter

So far away, so dim
Behind the block of time
Plastered up with illuminating words
Triumphant as a home-coming those crazy crazy days
Days when arms are crossed
So distant that your hands feel tied

Winter restlessness
Winter cannot keep the sunshine over us
You distance yourself from it all
But you still hurry in your steps

Nothing, there's nothing
No visible veins that cannot be severed
No wind sweeping over the roof
No words sought in the desperation
Splashing, hollow sounds rise
Sounds of the human
Sounds of light and dun earth

Quietude of the whole night

[Translated from the Chinese by Wang Rong and Anastasios Kozaitis]

the same priest?

3 or 1?
Maybe I need panels.

step by step

Feeling very unimaginative and low today. Here are some fairly random drawings.


In the footsteps of Rene Magritte, this is not Valerie Martin (not that I would really compare myself to Rene Magritte on any level).


I watched 'Rivers and Tides' earlier to try and get a bit more inspired. This is what I took from it, in direct quotes from Andy Goldsworthy.

the protester speaks

Over the past few days I became a wee bit obsessed with drawing from the photo of John Yoo and protesters that accompanied this NYRB article. (I tried to find the actual picture online but was too overwhelmed by the number of 'john yoo protest' images that come up in a google search. Oh, here it is). Comparison between the smiling Yoo and everyone else in the picture is striking. The article elucidates why Mr. Yoo might be smiling.

These were my notes on the first day I drew Yoo, after I saw the Trumbo doc. I put them here because the contrast between the writer and the lawyer is so pointed.

trumbo

The documentary on Dalton Trumbo's life movingly shows him to be someone who was really paying attention. Writing it all down in the very good times and the very bad. His story shows a real commitment to his values. And he seems to have made frequent fun in the very good times and the very bad.

making things

"I love making things. I just love making things.” - Spike Joneze in GQ.

postscript to yesterday

Full article here.

gallery

These are some of the people who crossed my virtual and printed path yesterday. I was happy encountering all of them.

Job search continues. I have finally accepted that, like Stephen Fry, I am really at my most creative and productive during the earlier hours of my day. Having accepted this, I already feel much better.

Unless I get up and start working on things straight after breakfast (including tea) the day gets away from me. I become lethargic and it all gets a bit sad. This is not to say that I don't get inspired later in the day sometimes. When this does happen, though, it involves some fantastic flight of fancy sprung from the decision to draw, watch a film, go out, read a book, listen to some music, read an article, play some music, call a friend, have a chat, or some other general happy surprise that I don't right now remember. I should probably review these moments and adjust my job search accordingly.